Posts by Elizabeth Flora Ross

Taking Time

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This has been a stressful year. My husband and I have both been dealing with issues related to our aging parents. My father’s situation has been the most dramatic. But while supporting me and being my rock, my husband has had his own concerns and crises to deal with.

On top of that, we are parents of a bright, spirited four year-old girl. Who has been experiencing health problems. I am home full time with her. He is dealing with a new, long commute (his office recently moved farther from our home).

For our anniversary in February, I purchased a couple’s package from a local spa. With all the craziness going on, we only recently had the opportunity to enjoy it.

Years ago, when we were first dating, I took my husband to get a pedicure with me. He was resistant, saying, “Men don’t do that sort of thing.”

I retorted with, “Well, they certainly should!” And off we went. He loved it, and we have enjoyed more pedicures together since. This time, he was experiencing his first facial.

“What are they going to be doing to me?” he asked warily.

“It’s kind of like getting your teeth cleaned,” the esthetician replied cheerily.

Not an analogy I would have used.

But he did enjoy it, as did I, along with a much-needed massage for both of us. After which we sat in our spa robes sipping mimosas, eating lunch and talking. Not about our child. Or our parents. Or any of the stresses we’ve been dealing with. Just talking.

It was delightful. And I realized my husband and I are not taking enough time to care for ourselves – individually or as a couple. We need to start making it a priority.

Our situation is in no way unique. Everyone has stress. It is part of life. But if you don’t find ways to deal with it, stress will get the better of you.

A day at the spa will probably not be a regular thing. Fortunately, there are many other ways to remove ourselves from the craziness of life and reconnect with each other. And I am going to make sure we do.

What are some of the things to you do to take time for yourself and your relationship with your partner?

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Resilience

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As I adjust the wires on the heart monitor my four year-old daughter is wearing, she squirms and says, “This stinks, Mommy.”

It is the most she has ever complained about the seemingly endless barrage of medical tests she has undergone in the past year.

Since she had her first seizure, she has become a regular at doctor’s offices and hospitals. She has had multiple EEGs, an MRI while under anesthesia, blood draws, an EKG, an echo cardiogram, and is now wearing a event monitor.

I smile weakly as I finish my adjustments to said monitor and reply, “I know, honey. I had to wear one of these myself last year. And I agree with you. But the doctor needs to gather as much information as he can about your heart. This will help him.”

“Thirty days is a long time.”

“It feels like it. But if you focus on other things, the time will go quickly, I promise. Just play and have fun and try to forget you are wearing it. The doctor says you can do everything you normally do.”

“OK, Mommy.”

She seems to handle it all so well. She shows off the heart monitor to everybody we encounter. People in turn treat her like a rock star, responding with, “Wow! How cool! You’re so special!”

She doesn’t protest having to see a “brain doctor” and a “heart doctor” in addition to her regular pediatrician. She rates their offices based on the artwork on the walls, the toys in the waiting room, and whether they have coloring supplies.

She distinguishes her neurologist’s office by the big revolving door at the main entrance. The cardiologist is the one with the beach murals on the walls. Our pediatrician is near home and his office building only has one floor.

When I tell her she has an appointment, she asks me which of these buildings we will be going to. If I know what to expect (i.e. a blood draw), I tell her. Not to cause stress or anxiety, but so she will be prepared. She usually wants to know; I never lie.

She prefers female doctors to male, but will see both without a fuss. She cries sometimes during certain procedures. But on the whole, she has appeared to take everything she’s had to face in stride.

At four years old, she insists on being responsible for her twice-daily seizure medication. She shakes it, measures it and administers it to herself.

I am in awe of her.

Over and over family, friends, medical professionals and complete strangers repeat the mantra: “Kids are so resilient.” And she truly does seem to be. But deep down I wonder – how is all this really impacting her?

Beyond worrying about her actual health, I’m concerned about her medical issues coloring her view of herself and the world around her. They have already led to taunting from her peers.

I want my daughter to be well in every possible sense. Only time will tell. All I can do is help her learn to carry on. And hope developing resilience this early on will serve her well as she goes through life.

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DIY Personalized Books

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My daughter has always loved books. Even as a baby she would gravitate toward them, often choosing a book over a toy. Which made this writer mama very happy.

Now four, her room is overflowing with books. We are constantly challenged to find a place for them all. And every few weeks we visit our local library, coming home with a stack of new material to read together.

My daughter demonstrates an active and amazing imagination, and loves to make up her own stories. She also happens to love coloring, spending hours with her markers and crayons.

One day, I decided to bring all these passions of hers together. I asked her if she wanted to create her own book.

She was very excited. The first book she wanted to make was about Ariel, her favorite of the Disney princesses.

We went through her coloring books and picked out some pages. We also did an online search and printed out a few coloring pages she liked.

I asked her to tell me a story, and wrote the words on the pages as she directed. (She can write her letters, but is not yet writing words beyond the very basic. If your child can write, then her book can be even more personal.)

We punched holes in the pages and used brass fasteners to put them all together. Voila! A new book. An original work. And a fun project to do together!

What you need:

Paper: You can use blank paper, white or colored, or actual coloring pages, depending on your child’s age, skill level and desire.

A hole punch and fasteners: So you have a way to connect all the pages.

Your child’s imagination: The best and most important ingredient!

It is never too early to instill a love of reading and writing in your child. Even if she is too young to do either on her own, you can foster the appreciation while helping her develop the skills. All well encouraging her imagination!

There is no limit to where it can take her…

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DIY Teacher Appreciation Gifts

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Teacher Appreciation Week is coming up fast. Here in the US, it is the week of May 6. Last year, my daughter had a great time making personalized gifts for her teachers.

When it comes to crafts, I’m all about cheap, easy and fun. When considering gifts, I prefer those which come from my child to be as personalized as possible. I was able to combine both goals for Teacher Appreciation Week 2012.

My daughter has been in speech therapy since before she was two years old. She has a condition called Childhood Apraxia of Speech. She has worked with an amazing group of women over the past few years.

We love them dearly, and wanted to acknowledge them even though they are not officially “teachers.” A friend had shared a gift idea some time ago she used with her daughter’s speech therapist. I adapted it to meet my criteria.

I found some cute little wooden shadow boxes at a craft store for $1 apiece. My daughter painted them and placed foam flowers and lady bugs in the display section. Inside each box, we placed a printed note that read, “Thank you for helping me reach my potential.”  We signed her name together.

For her preschool teachers, my daughter chose plastic flowerpots from the craft store that had artwork for her to color and insert. She personally selected the flowers at a different store and planted them herself.

We spent a lovely spring day out on our deck creating all the various gifts. My daughter enjoyed making them and loved presenting them to her teachers. And all the gifts were a huge hit.

So, if you’re looking for ideas for your child(ren) this Teacher Appreciation Week, why not come up with some fun crafts? Gift cards are popular, simple and well received. But a personal, creative touch will always be remembered.

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Hold the Salt

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Six months ago a doctor placed me on a low sodium diet. I have something called Ménière’s disease, an inner ear disorder that causes debilitating bouts of vertigo and often leads to hearing loss.

The most effective way to combat Ménière’s is with prescription diuretics and a low sodium diet. I am limited to 1500 milligrams of sodium per day.

Now, go grab something from your pantry and look at the sodium content. A can of soup you use for cooking. A box of your kids’ favorite brand of mac n’ cheese.  Make sure you look at the amount per serving and the servings per container.

Go ahead. I’ll wait…

Are you surprised by what you saw? I was when I started to pay attention. I thought my family stuck to a pretty low sodium diet already. I was wrong. I also thought it would be easy to adjust.

You can laugh. It’s OK.

Luckily, I have discovered some secrets to not only making it work, but also maintaining my love of cooking and my family’s enjoyment eating what I prepare:

  • Use recipes designed specifically for low sodium diets – When I first started out, I tried modifying all my family’s favorite recipes and experimented with different substitutes for salt. This did not go well. But, when my husband bought me a low sodium cookbook, things got a whole lot yummier. Yes, some of the meals are a little on the bland side. But most are delicious and have plenty of flavor.
  • Cook with fresh ingredients – Anything that comes in a can or box is going to be loaded with sodium. So, I had to cut out all packaged or “convenience” foods. Now, I cook with fresh ingredients, including herbs I grow in my own kitchen. They help our food taste so much better. You can buy low sodium versions of some canned or boxed foods. Diced tomatoes, beans, even chicken broth for example. But you have to look carefully, figure out how it fits into your overall goal, and learn the difference between low sodium, reduced sodium and no salt added.
  • Limit eating out (and ordering in) – Eating food from a restaurant became a real challenge once I began my low sodium diet. Fortunately, most can provide print outs of the nutritional content for all their meals, or you can look the info up online. Unfortunately, those meals are usually loaded with sodium. Four to five times what I am supposed to have in a day. I have learned to talk to the server or chef about what they can prepare to meet my requirements. In many cases, I order off menu. I have yet to find a restaurant unwilling to be accommodating.

So, I have adjusted. I do miss some of my favorite foods. But the doctor says it’s OK if I occasionally cheat. After all, “You need to live a little!” And, because I am so careful most of the time, I can afford to splurge every once and a while.

The overall benefit has been healthier eating for our whole family. Which is why I am sharing these tips with you. The average American diet contains far too much sodium. And there are many compelling reasons to hold the salt. You don’t need a doctor’s order.

Give it a try. You might just be pleasantly surprised…

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